41-year-old dad takes a lower paying job to have more time for rock climbing, prioritizing his hobby over his kids and leading wife to feel like a single mother: "I honestly thought he was having an affair"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jul 18, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Everybody needs a hobby. In fact, James Bond famously postulated that people need really 3 of them: one for creativity, one for fitness, and one with which to make money. And note that he didn't say anything about entertainment. So, no, watching anime doesn't really count as a hobby. If you don't have any activities outside of work or entertainment, you won't lead a particularly rich life, and you might end up putting a strain on your romantic relationship if you depend on it for validation and fulfillment.

In our story today, a dad finds exactly what he needs at the local climbing gym. Rock climbing helps him build self esteem and become more independent – perhaps too independent. In fact, his wife starts to feel more and more like a single mom because it seems like he'd rather spend time climbing than raising his own kids. The turning point comes when she finds out that he took on a lower paying job just to have more time to climb. 

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  • 01

    My husband has chosen his climbing hobby over me and our children I never thought I would be here.

    Cheezburger Image 10529640960
    via Jupiterimages from Photo Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My marriage has fallen apart. My husband has chosen rock climbing over us. For the last year | [38F] have been trying but it's
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 03
    over. My husband [41M] started going to the climbing gym that opened up near his office. He was interested in trying it. But he has become obsessed. All he wants to do is go
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 04
    rock climbing. He has no time for anything else. No time for me or our kids. We have been married for 11 years and together since 2011 but now climbing is more important to him.
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10529641728
    via Pavel Danilyuk from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 06
    I have tried talking to him and nothing works. He spends every free moment he has going climbing. We have a 9 year old and a 3 year
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 07
    old and my husband always used to spend so much time with them. Now he acts like they don't exist. I honestly thought he was having an affair at first. He says he enjoys
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10529641984
    via Syda Productions

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    rock climbing. I'm not trying to stop him from enjoying it. I just want him to spend time with us again. Before the climbing gym opened he was a good husband and he
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 10
    spent so much time with our children. I want to go back to that. He goes off for days on climbing trips to the Blue Mountains and when he is here he is at the gym every day. Sometimes twice a day.
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 11
    The tipping point was finding out that he lied about his job. He took a lower paying job where he worked, and he told me it was to avoid off completely. I found out
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 12
    he took the job voluntarily so he would have more time for climbing. There was no layoff. He admitted it. He says he didn't tell me because he knew I would be angry. I'm
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 13
    doing all the childcare, doing all the chores at home and I work full time. If I try talking to my husband he just says I am just jealous of his new hobby. After finding out about his
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 14
    job and him I realise nothing I say or do will make a difference. I've been to a solicitor. I have put myself and my children in counselling. I found a flat for us to move into. I am tired of my children asking me
    via u/2025throwawaywife
  • 15
    where my husband is all the time. He may be continuing on like things are normal but I can't do it this any longer. Sometimes I feel like I failed as wife and a mum. But can't stay like this.
    via u/2025throwawaywife

  • This man has made it absolutely clear where his priorities lie. Not only is he providing less money for his family, he is putting a more pressure on his wife. All to have a few more hours a week to climb. 

  • 16
    Ninja Neither3333 You haven't failed. He has failed all of you.
    via u/NinjaNeither3333
  • 17
    throwawayplanet95 He's the one who walked away from his family. It's not on you.
    via u/throwawayplanet95
  • 18
    Squossifrage Climbed away
    via u/Squossifrage
  • 19
    SirEDCaLot For sure. And he fails repeatedly every time he leaves home and goes to the gym.
    via u/SirEDCaLot
  • 20
    OP might try couples counseling. Or maybe a shock would work-- he's gonna get the shock of his life when the divorce papers are delivered.
    via u/SirEDCaLot

  • Maybe he does need a wake-up call in the form of divorce papers… and if that doesn't work, then our protagonist has taken the first step towards releasing herself from this rocky relationship. 

  • 21
    Divorce Form Please fill out the form completely
    via shisuka

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 22
    TimbermanBeetle This sounds like my father. He was a good partner but then it turned out he wasn't a good father. Lived like a single man in a
    via u/TimbermanBeetle
  • 23
    marriage with three kids. Also picked up rock climbing, got really into it, and disappeared whenever he wanted to.
    via u/TimbermanBeetle
  • 24
    My brother was later diagnosed with adhd. I'm convinced our dad has it too, which probably partly caused the "oh yeah sh I
    via u/TimbermanBeetle
  • 25
    have a family but this thing x is too fun" behavior. Could that be possible for your husband?
    via u/TimbermanBeetle
  • 26
    Either way, it doesn't justify the behavior, but could explain the intensity.
    via u/TimbermanBeetle
  • 27
    Ps. You haven't failed as a mom. You're the one who is taking care of the children like a responsible adult and you tried to communicate with your husband. Don't blame yourself
    via u/TimbermanBeetle
  • 28
    Accomplished_Jump444 I think you also need a new hobby, being a single woman again.
    via u/Accomplished_Jump444
  • 29
    Sneezydiva3 This is so sad. Someday, when he gets injured or gets too old to rock climb, he'll regret that his family and friends are all gone. You're doing the right thing.
    via u/Sneezydiva3

Tags

marriage married with children fatherhood climbing wife married life parenting husband dad divorce family red flag raising kids mom Parenting Fail parents hobby
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